My dear
Today’s world seems to be very markedly a “use-and-dispose-quickly” world.
The market pampers us with updates and more advanced models having additional “necessary” features that increase the attractive quotient of the product desired.
There is an obsessive need to get the latest and flaunt the latest as indications of how much we are ahead of it all.
No real objection to all of this but to me it all seems so much of a waste….
Maybe I am old fashioned…
I was brought up in a family that used and re-used things in new and different ways.
There is so much of learning and living in that too…
For the most part I continue being that way. Happily so…
And I do not feel deprived at all about things I do not have…
About finding new uses for old things… here’s a beautiful and inspiring story…
One day one of Buddha’s disciples approached him and humbly said :
“Teacher, while you are so much concerned about the world and others,
why don’t you also look to the needs of your own disciples?”
Buddha : “Well spoken. Tell me , how can I help you?”
Disciple: “Master, my attire is worn out and beyond decency for wearing.
Can I get a new one please?”
Buddha found that the robe was indeed in a bad condition and needed to be replaced.
He asked the storekeeper to give the disciple a new robe to wear.
The disciple thanked Buddha and retired to his room.
Though he had met his disciples requirements Buddha was not all that happy with his decision.
He realized that he had missed out some point.
A little while after, he realized what he should have asked the disciple.
He went to his disciples room and asked him:
“Is your new attire comfortable? Do you need anything more?”
Disciple : “Thank you master. The attire is very comfortable. I need nothing more.”
Buddha: “Having got a new one, what did you do with your old attire?”
Disciple: “I am using it as my bedspread.”
Buddha: “Then… I hope you have disposed of your old bedspread?”
Disciple: “No.. no… master. I am using my old bedspread as my window curtain.”
Buddha: “What about your old curtain?”
Disciple: “I am using it to handle hot utensils in the kitchen.”
Buddha: “Oh I see. Can you tell me what you are doing with the old kitchen cloths?”
Disciple: “They are being used to wash the floor.”
Buddha: “Then the old cloth being used to wash the floor…. ?”
Disciple: “Master, since they were torn off so much and I could not find any better use for them, I made wicks for the oil lamp that is right now lit in your study room.”
Buddha smiled in contentment and left for his own room.
photo : terryq
Finally the ultimate use….for things…. for ourselves :
to become wicks for the oil lamps of the Buddha… wicks in the oil lamps for God…
And the world becomes all brighter and more beautiful for who we are and what we are doing….. !
We may grow old but we never need to become or feel wasted…. and it is important for us to believe that too!
Whatever our age and condition, there is always something for us to do … something for us to be useful for…..
It sometimes happens that those who are really trendy and very much with the “in crowd” might dismiss those of us who are not. Older people might be considered out-dated in life-styles and in wisdom. Our caring and concern find no entry point or respect in their rush-around and “be-cool-show-cool” lives. They do not communicate much with us… except when they are in need, of course, and we have to satisfy ourselves with left-overs of their time and affection. And maybe we do not communicate with them much either… because we ourselves are too busy or because we cannot come to terms with the way they are or because we consider them to be “differently mannered” ….
Wave lengths are different… frequencies are different and our “Roger. Over!” is responded to with high frequency static that quite disturbs our expectations.
“Leave us alone… we know what we are doing…let us live our own lives” comes across to us in their speech, attitude and behaviour. Old time respect and gratitude have gone out of fashion and the obsession to be independent- even financially – might come more from a desire to be free of obligation than from a genuine desire to grow into responsibility and accountability.
At least we see it that way.
It hurts a great deal to be marginalised and dismissed in your own home. It is difficult to get across through barriers of cellphones and ipods and sometimes barricaded rooms and attitudes.
And the enforcing discipline one reacts with becomes grossly counterproductive. We are marginally winning the occasional battle but we have a strange and frightening feeling that we are going to lose the war!
Perhaps we ourselves are somewhat responsible for the way they are now. We loved them enough to make life easy for them. …pampered their every whim….hesitated to discipline and instil values in them maybe because it was too much of a bother or because we were afraid of their disapproval. We bailed them out of the consequences of their irresponsible actions….told them to “decide for themselves” when they were too young or immature to see or cope with consequences of the choices they had to make decisions about….
We did not have to feign surprise when their behaviour was in an unexpected way. We really were surprised. We could not see it coming. And now that it has arrived, we do not know how to respond appropriately to the shock and surprise.
Where have we failed? Where have we gone wrong? we ask ourselves….
Maturity is not a birthday present and needs to be nourished into integrated behaviour by love and concern as well as by educative and clear-principled discipline. Nobody taught us anything about how to bring up our children. And enlightenment and regret might come at a time when we cannot do too much about it. Hind-sight cannot effectively alter our history or the consequences of our actions.. We see in the life styles of our children the mark-sheet of the examinations on upbringing that we have been subjected to. No we have not failed, really. We did what we thought was best. Our intentions were good. But maybe we were sitting for that all important examination with an outdated syllabus for preparation.
So how do we prepare ourselves for merit list grades in parenting? If we have started off on the wrong foot for whatever reason, the good news is that it is not too late to get back on track. At least to heal some of the damage and make inroads into new ways of relating with our kids. They are good kids really, and I am sure that we all believe that. And just as we have meant well in the methods we have used in bringing them up, they have meant well in the way they respond to our demands